Dear Cancer

12 September 2017
  • Teens

Dear Cancer

Author: Azreen, 22, Teen, Ewings Sarcoma

Dear Cancer,
I have a lot to say, but words fall short. The Blog drafts pile up but the “publish” button remains untouched. The fingers stop dancing on the keyboard and tremble in memory of what once was, what still is, what is yet to come. The eyes, vacant. The screen, blurry. The pain comes into focus.

Dear Cancer,
I thought you were just a distant nightmare, the uninvited guest that eats your food, keeps you up at night and haunts your personal space. I never thought you’d come into my home like a tornado and cause havoc.

Dear Cancer,
You ripped away the mother in me. Hope became heartbreak, but understanding replaced emptiness. You really tried, Cancer, to break me. I’ll admit I cracked, I chipped, but with the glue that is acceptance, I pieced myself together.

Dear Cancer,
I was thrown into the ring, unwillingly. The battle was tough, the opposition was strong. Some was lost, much was gained. But in the end, I triumphed. I won, yet you’re still within me, you’re still a part of me. I can’t shake you, you’re in my dreams, you’re in my victories, you’re in my failures, you’re in my mind, you’re in every crevice. Some days you’re big, and some days you’re small.  Some days I can physically see you, and some days you’re invisible but lingering.

Dear Cancer,
Without realising, you gave me a gift. I didn’t know there was an artist hiding within me, you brought her out. Thank you, Cancer. it's the least you could do. My future was uncertain, but you gave me a goal. You may not have meant to, but you did. Now I decorate people’s hands, bodies and homes. Me? An Artist!

Dear Cancer,
I was your petri dish, your ecosystem. You didn’t care for my name or age; you just needed an environment to grow. That’s all I am to you. But you’re much more than a pile of cells for me. You shaped me; you taught me things I would have never learnt. You helped me grow. I'd love to say that I hate you, I'm tempted to cuss you and yell, but what good would it be?

Dear Cancer,
I lost friends, but through you I found people you’d invaded too. You took much more from them, limbs, normal brain function, so much.  Today, they’re my closest companions. We united because of you, and together we pay no importance to you. You were once big and we collectively made you small. Do you feel it? Do you feel how unimportant we made you? Cancer that demands attention, laughed at over pizza and karaoke.

Dear Cancer,
I'm surrounded by love and goodness, without you, I would have never recognised that. Thanks to you, I've become so close to the people that truly love me. You taught a young girl that unconditional love exists. The same girl that refused to believe in anything. Do you see how many gifts you've given me?

Dear Cancer,
You invaded my body, you caused me pain, you scarred me, you broke me, you hurt those I love, you made them cry, you made me cry. Yet how is it that I stand here stronger than you, where you've shrivelled to nothing but dead tissue? So much is still left damaged, but how is it that you haven't managed to defeat me? You've taken so many innocent souls, yet innumerable soldiers face you, head on, fearless. How can something be so feared and weak simultaneously?

Dear Cancer,
You're not very dear. Not at all. 
You will always be the same hated, mutated, dirty mound of diseased cells. But technology will continue to evolve, medicine will continue to evolve.
So ask yourself, who is invading who? The fight against you is growing, and we are finally starting to win. Again, who is invading who?

You've been cornered. 

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